Week 1

On the first day after I left office life behind, this happened.

The first snow of the season. It didn't stick, and melted before the day was over, but it was a nice reminder that this year, I won't have to dress in layers and snow boots and walk two miles in unpredictable Chicago winter weather, or spend 90 minutes bundled up on the train  I've had days over the last few years where snow got in my boots, where buses splashed my clothes in slush, where I forgot my hat and my ears froze, where the train ran half speed due to ice on the tracks, where I tried to take the L instead of walking to stay warm, only to have it take twice as long. A Chicago winter commute is no fun, and I'm glad to have traded it in.

And here's what I traded it in for.

This is my current setup. Yes, that's my water heater over to the right, and yes, those are tools hanging over my laptop. This is Mike's workbench, which he has been gracious enough to let me borrow until I can get my office space in the bedroom set up. It's not perfect and won't work long term, but look! It's in my house. 

When I first started commuting again in early 2014, it didn't seem like that big of a deal. I was in school two days a week and commuted for two more.  Somehow the commute at that time felt like a little break in my week. I mostly read during it and listened to music. I guess it was a break between being a student, being an employee, and being a parent. But kids get older and have different needs. Work grows more stressful. And school ends, usually. And at the point where I changed from part time student/part time employee to full time employee is where my work life balance imploded. I pushed through for a while hoping it would get better. Then pushed trough more for the sake of benefits and additional salary. But when Mike took a job that put him back to commuting far from home, that was the end for my commuting life. 

I felt suddenly like I was failing at everything. Work, home, family. Everything felt like it was falling through the cracks, always. Something had to give. And that's when I made the decision to come home. It was an easy decision to make.

It was one week ago today that I walked out of my office for the last time. I instantly felt stress melting away. As the week has gone on, I know without a doubt that this was he right move to make, and the right time. I know that as my new job progresses, the stress level will rise. And I know that this kids' needs will continue to evolve. But I also know that here, I feel better equipped to handle it. Here, I can carve out the balance I need. Here, at home. 

Goodbye, office life!

After almost four years, Thursday was my last day at my job. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've had, the things I've learned, and the people I've met. But at the same time, for several reasons, it's time to move on, and I'm very ready for the next chapter.

 The truth is, I was never meant for the office life. I'm too quiet, too bad at small talk, too locked in my own head while I work. It takes me years to warm up to people, and in a high turnover environment, that leaves someone like me with very few people to talk to, when I do feel like talking. And, office life where I live means a commute, if you want to make a good salary. Mike and I have proven that our family can tolerate one parent with a long commute, but when both of us do it, the effects are evident almost immediately. It just doesn't work.

 When I decidedly to open up my job search this year, I wasn't really sure what I wanted. There were a few options, but most of them involved a negative, like loss of flexibility, pay cuts, losing benefits, or keeping my beast of a commute. There was only one option that didn't have those negatives: pursue the long tome goal, and get that work from home job I'd been dreaming about for 17 years, and working towards for 7. A few months into a casual job search, I narrowed my focus and hit it hard. There was not a rush to leave my current job, I just wanted to get out. So I would pursue it with all I had until I found what I really wanted.

 And I did find it. Thursday was my last day in the office overlooking the Chicago River. It was my last mile long walk down Lasalle Street in the morning, and back again in the evening. It was my last 50 minute train ride, each way. I might sometimes miss that view, but I won't miss that commute, probably ever. This weekend I worked at setting myself up for success in my new position, and tomorrow morning I start the job that I went back to school to eventually get. I couldn't be more excited. I thought I'd be nervous, but I'm really not. It feels, quite literally, like coming home, which is exactly what I'm doing.

 Interestingly enough, this drawing appeared on the chalk wall at the office around the same time I hit the job search hard. It has been inspirational to me these last couple of months so I finally took a picture. I've focused on creating the future I want and I'm excited to move forward.